Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sadness
today has been a rough day.
kurt and shannon went in for there first ultrasound of the baby.
the doctor couldnt find a heart beat for the baby. it turns our shannon probably lost the baby about a week ago.
i keep telling my self everything happens for a reason.
and its all in gods hands.
but that doesn't take away the hurt and the sadness.
i can't even imagine how kurt and shannon are feeling.
kurt and shannon went in for there first ultrasound of the baby.
the doctor couldnt find a heart beat for the baby. it turns our shannon probably lost the baby about a week ago.
i keep telling my self everything happens for a reason.
and its all in gods hands.
but that doesn't take away the hurt and the sadness.
i can't even imagine how kurt and shannon are feeling.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
honesty
omg i've just been so busy recently that i have completely forgot about my blog. i haven't been doing anything important but i can't even remember the last time that i just spent a quiet evening at home.
when i'm not working i'm hanging out with friends. when i'm not hanging out with friends i'm sleeping. i feel like i have so much to say and i know that none of you will read this all but thats ok with me.
ok so i moved back home. i honestly think that it is the best decision that i have made recently. i do not regret moving out and living on my own. i definately grew up over the past year and i learned alot about myself that i did realize before. as much as i wish i had never moved out i could never take it back. i became closer with jill and learned my independence and that i am a strong person and can stand on my own two feet. i struggled alot but i made it though everything and i think i have come out a stronger person on this side.
my brother started dating one of my best friends back in july and they are now officially a couple. that wasnt an easy moment for me at all. i struggled with it. i didn't like it. i didn't want it to happen. but i realized that it was for purely selfish reasons which is completely unfair. i have always struggled in my relationship with my brother. ive always wanted his attention and to be his friend and have never recieved that. ive come to a sad realization that i don't think that our relationship will ever be what i want it to be. i just need to accept it and appreciate the relationship that we do have because things could be much worse. i still have a hard time with it sometimes but i think it will get easier seeing and knowing that they are together as time goes on. all i know is they are both extremely happy and i think that they both deserve that.
my friend emily has recently come back into my life. we were really good friends once upon a time. the type of friends that see eachother every day. the type of friends that one does homework and the other one reads a book and still have fun. the type of friends who go everywhere together and have fun with everything that they do. i lost that friend at some point. emily did the same thing that most girls have done at some point. she started dating a guy and fell head over heals and completely abandoned her friends including me even though we were attached at the hip. her and her boyfriend broke up and we got back in touch. she apologized for everything and she continues to constantly apologize. she tells me that she is so thankful that i can accept her and move on. so we're back to being attached at the hip and i'm really enjoying it. i can't deny that i am very nervous for her to have a boyfriend again. i have the fear that (even though she promises she wont) she will leave me again and i'll be abandoned again. all i can do is enjoy the time that i have and deal with it when the time comes. i truely enjoy spending time with her and her family.
so this is just a quick one... i've been hanging out with my brothers friends alot recently. annnd not with him.. haha.. i don't know how kenny feels about it. and if he didn't like it i don't think he would tell me. but they like me. i like them. we have fun. they invite me. so i go. thats all there is to it. i'm having fun. its fun growing up and going out. i'm enjoying it alot.
i quit nannying. i couldn't do it anymore. i hated it so much and everyone that i know knew that i hated it. i can't express how much more stress free my life is now that i dont' have to deal with it anymore. i know that i hated it... but i didn't realize how much it was bringing me down until it was gone. such a relief. they may have been little boogers but i wish the family the best.
ok i feel like there is sooooo much more that i could talk about but i don't want to ramble on fooooorever. (plus i'm getting super sleepy) so last but not least:
I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!! haha i saved what i think is the best for last. i'm so excited! i love babies and i oddly really want one of my own. if i could be married and have a child right now.. i would. but no one loves me.. there for no baby. haha anyways.. its exciting to be an aunt. i keep thinking about myself and how i want to be. and what i will be in this childs eyes. it makes me want to be a better person. i want to be a rolmodel. i want to be someone that he/she can rely on and trust. my aunt and uncle are the best people. they are so influencial and helpful and kind and loving and i always can talk to them. i want to be not only his/her aunt but friend and confidonte.
anyways now that i have spilled my beans its time for bed. i'll post again soon!!
when i'm not working i'm hanging out with friends. when i'm not hanging out with friends i'm sleeping. i feel like i have so much to say and i know that none of you will read this all but thats ok with me.
ok so i moved back home. i honestly think that it is the best decision that i have made recently. i do not regret moving out and living on my own. i definately grew up over the past year and i learned alot about myself that i did realize before. as much as i wish i had never moved out i could never take it back. i became closer with jill and learned my independence and that i am a strong person and can stand on my own two feet. i struggled alot but i made it though everything and i think i have come out a stronger person on this side.
my brother started dating one of my best friends back in july and they are now officially a couple. that wasnt an easy moment for me at all. i struggled with it. i didn't like it. i didn't want it to happen. but i realized that it was for purely selfish reasons which is completely unfair. i have always struggled in my relationship with my brother. ive always wanted his attention and to be his friend and have never recieved that. ive come to a sad realization that i don't think that our relationship will ever be what i want it to be. i just need to accept it and appreciate the relationship that we do have because things could be much worse. i still have a hard time with it sometimes but i think it will get easier seeing and knowing that they are together as time goes on. all i know is they are both extremely happy and i think that they both deserve that.
my friend emily has recently come back into my life. we were really good friends once upon a time. the type of friends that see eachother every day. the type of friends that one does homework and the other one reads a book and still have fun. the type of friends who go everywhere together and have fun with everything that they do. i lost that friend at some point. emily did the same thing that most girls have done at some point. she started dating a guy and fell head over heals and completely abandoned her friends including me even though we were attached at the hip. her and her boyfriend broke up and we got back in touch. she apologized for everything and she continues to constantly apologize. she tells me that she is so thankful that i can accept her and move on. so we're back to being attached at the hip and i'm really enjoying it. i can't deny that i am very nervous for her to have a boyfriend again. i have the fear that (even though she promises she wont) she will leave me again and i'll be abandoned again. all i can do is enjoy the time that i have and deal with it when the time comes. i truely enjoy spending time with her and her family.
so this is just a quick one... i've been hanging out with my brothers friends alot recently. annnd not with him.. haha.. i don't know how kenny feels about it. and if he didn't like it i don't think he would tell me. but they like me. i like them. we have fun. they invite me. so i go. thats all there is to it. i'm having fun. its fun growing up and going out. i'm enjoying it alot.
i quit nannying. i couldn't do it anymore. i hated it so much and everyone that i know knew that i hated it. i can't express how much more stress free my life is now that i dont' have to deal with it anymore. i know that i hated it... but i didn't realize how much it was bringing me down until it was gone. such a relief. they may have been little boogers but i wish the family the best.
ok i feel like there is sooooo much more that i could talk about but i don't want to ramble on fooooorever. (plus i'm getting super sleepy) so last but not least:
I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!! haha i saved what i think is the best for last. i'm so excited! i love babies and i oddly really want one of my own. if i could be married and have a child right now.. i would. but no one loves me.. there for no baby. haha anyways.. its exciting to be an aunt. i keep thinking about myself and how i want to be. and what i will be in this childs eyes. it makes me want to be a better person. i want to be a rolmodel. i want to be someone that he/she can rely on and trust. my aunt and uncle are the best people. they are so influencial and helpful and kind and loving and i always can talk to them. i want to be not only his/her aunt but friend and confidonte.
anyways now that i have spilled my beans its time for bed. i'll post again soon!!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
its been a long time!
ok so its been FOREVER since i posted i know! i've just been really busy and have lots of projects, work, friends, and just life right now! i know i've left my whole 2 readers out there in suspense!
but tonight while i was nannying i was looking around at some other peoples blogs and one i ended up on a certain blog for a really long time. for some reason i was fascinated.. its the blog of a young women who grew up in the puyallup area and i ended up on her myspace some how a few years ago.. i think she might have been like one of my brothers friends on myspace or something like that.. well i didn't know her but i ended up on her page and was fascintated by her and her life.. shes a photographer.. and when i say photographer i mean she is absolutely AMAZING.. i don't even know her and i would suggest her for any wedding or any kind of event cause i love her work and i know i will use her some day. anywho.. i read alot on her blog. its more of a photo blog but lots of captions.. she seems like such a fun person she VERY involved in the community and has beautiful little daugter.. as creepy as it sounds.. i think i might send her an email and tell her how amazing i think her photography is.. i know i would find it to be a compliment if some stranger i had never met told me they admired my art. if you want to take a look at her blog just shoot me an email and i'll send her blog to you.. i suggest you do :) email me: jaimienickel@gmail.com
ok now off of that tangent.. i realized that i hadn't posted on here in forever and jenna has ben asking me to post again.. but when i originally started this blog i wanted it to be a picture blog.. on myspace i used to post picture blogs all the time.. and thats what i planned on doing on here.. buuut i've been to busy.. and haven't been taking me pictures of life, friends, and events lately.. mainly cause my mom has had my camera for waaaay over a month now.. prolly close to two.. but thats about to change. i'm making a special stop at my parents house tomorrow just to pick up my camera :) i've been lost without it... so the point of this is.. that i'm gonna do what i set out to do.. weekly posts if not more.. telling what going on in my life by pictures.. that way some day when i have a family.. i can look back and have documented my life.. and if for some reason my computer ever crashes (knock on wood) or i loose all my precious pictures (they seriously mean the world to me) i will always have at least some of my favorites on the internet :)
ok.. really though.. that was a non-sense challenge that i know neither of you two will care about (and yes.. i'm refering to you jenna and evan cause ur the only people on here)
but tonight while i was nannying i was looking around at some other peoples blogs and one i ended up on a certain blog for a really long time. for some reason i was fascinated.. its the blog of a young women who grew up in the puyallup area and i ended up on her myspace some how a few years ago.. i think she might have been like one of my brothers friends on myspace or something like that.. well i didn't know her but i ended up on her page and was fascintated by her and her life.. shes a photographer.. and when i say photographer i mean she is absolutely AMAZING.. i don't even know her and i would suggest her for any wedding or any kind of event cause i love her work and i know i will use her some day. anywho.. i read alot on her blog. its more of a photo blog but lots of captions.. she seems like such a fun person she VERY involved in the community and has beautiful little daugter.. as creepy as it sounds.. i think i might send her an email and tell her how amazing i think her photography is.. i know i would find it to be a compliment if some stranger i had never met told me they admired my art. if you want to take a look at her blog just shoot me an email and i'll send her blog to you.. i suggest you do :) email me: jaimienickel@gmail.com
ok now off of that tangent.. i realized that i hadn't posted on here in forever and jenna has ben asking me to post again.. but when i originally started this blog i wanted it to be a picture blog.. on myspace i used to post picture blogs all the time.. and thats what i planned on doing on here.. buuut i've been to busy.. and haven't been taking me pictures of life, friends, and events lately.. mainly cause my mom has had my camera for waaaay over a month now.. prolly close to two.. but thats about to change. i'm making a special stop at my parents house tomorrow just to pick up my camera :) i've been lost without it... so the point of this is.. that i'm gonna do what i set out to do.. weekly posts if not more.. telling what going on in my life by pictures.. that way some day when i have a family.. i can look back and have documented my life.. and if for some reason my computer ever crashes (knock on wood) or i loose all my precious pictures (they seriously mean the world to me) i will always have at least some of my favorites on the internet :)
ok.. really though.. that was a non-sense challenge that i know neither of you two will care about (and yes.. i'm refering to you jenna and evan cause ur the only people on here)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
time for a change
sooo i've been doing alot of thinking lately. and i have a lot of decisions to make. i feel like right now my life is on a course to no where. i'm not doing anything. i'm not going anywhere. i'm not working at a good job. so whats really holding me back!?? pretttty much nothing?! so why can't i decide what i want to do or where i want to be. all i know is.. i'm unhappy with where i'm at and what i'm doing right now so something has got to change. but why am i so scared? i think its because i don't believe in myself. i don't think i can make it on my own.. i mean.. i'm making it on my own right now pretty well.. the best i can.. but i'm talking about something completely different.
i have two offers.
1. pittsburgh. well cranberry actually. i could move to the east coast where all of my family is.. which is very appealing. i love all of them so much. it would be so great to be near all of them and to really get to know them. i love vacationing there and i don't think that a day goes by that i don't think about them. the only thing that i don't think that i would like about it back there is the weather.. the winters can be really rough and the summers can be verrrrry humid. and i would also be using my family as a crutch. which isn't bad but it isn't the best. and i don't think it would be super easy to meet people my age.
2. california. well.. saf fran actually. my brothers friend amanda and i have talked off and on for a few years now. i absolutely adore her. she's lived in san fran for 4 years now. i really admire her because she up and left her life here to start over down in california. she knew that if she stayed here she would go no where.. and that she needed to find herself and the only way she could do that.. was to be on her own. which is exactly what i want. she and i have talked about it alot and she is always encouraging me to do the same. she told me that if i want to move to san fran she will help me out. she'll help me find a job. introduce me to people. find a place to live. anything i need. which is really appealing.
so those are my options. and i really need to do some thinking. decide what i really want. what i want to do. and where i want to be.
i have two offers.
1. pittsburgh. well cranberry actually. i could move to the east coast where all of my family is.. which is very appealing. i love all of them so much. it would be so great to be near all of them and to really get to know them. i love vacationing there and i don't think that a day goes by that i don't think about them. the only thing that i don't think that i would like about it back there is the weather.. the winters can be really rough and the summers can be verrrrry humid. and i would also be using my family as a crutch. which isn't bad but it isn't the best. and i don't think it would be super easy to meet people my age.
2. california. well.. saf fran actually. my brothers friend amanda and i have talked off and on for a few years now. i absolutely adore her. she's lived in san fran for 4 years now. i really admire her because she up and left her life here to start over down in california. she knew that if she stayed here she would go no where.. and that she needed to find herself and the only way she could do that.. was to be on her own. which is exactly what i want. she and i have talked about it alot and she is always encouraging me to do the same. she told me that if i want to move to san fran she will help me out. she'll help me find a job. introduce me to people. find a place to live. anything i need. which is really appealing.
so those are my options. and i really need to do some thinking. decide what i really want. what i want to do. and where i want to be.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
is it to much to ask for?
so i watched the oscars tonight and saw all of the beautiful dresses that the women wore. absolutely gorgeous. and it made me soooooooo freaking mad. lol. no really though. it did.
my 21st birthday is coming up and i've been shopping around in stores and online for something to wear that night. you see i don't feel pretty on a daily basis or very often at all for that matter (I'm not trying to get you down or be all woe is me but its the truth). i've been shopping for a dress for my 21st birthday cause i wanna feel pretty and i wanna feel special because for some reason its an important day to me. (I'm last to turn 21 in my famliy so i'm pretty sure everyone is looking forward to it.. and there will hopefully be a pretty big celebration.) I can't find anything that i like ANYWHERE. i'm' not kidding i 've looked at so many stores.
my whole issue started when i went shopping with my friend kate last weekend. we were talked alot about how i don't dress the way that i would choose to dress. i don't where the clothes that i would pick out for myself if i had the pick of anything. either i'm just stupid and looking in all of the wrong places.. or no where that i know of sales anything that i like in my size. i walk into all of these stores when i go shopping with my friends and see tons of clothes that i think are so cute and wish that i could think in my size.. but i never can find them in my size.. i love shopping with my friends and i'll point out things that i wish i could have.. and then they buy them.. which is fine. but i just wish that i could have it. so frustrating.
all i want it to find something that i really love. clothes that i actually like and feel comfortable and pretty wearing. and something to wear for my birthday.... but it is feeling impossible.
anywho.. thats just whats on my mind.
my 21st birthday is coming up and i've been shopping around in stores and online for something to wear that night. you see i don't feel pretty on a daily basis or very often at all for that matter (I'm not trying to get you down or be all woe is me but its the truth). i've been shopping for a dress for my 21st birthday cause i wanna feel pretty and i wanna feel special because for some reason its an important day to me. (I'm last to turn 21 in my famliy so i'm pretty sure everyone is looking forward to it.. and there will hopefully be a pretty big celebration.) I can't find anything that i like ANYWHERE. i'm' not kidding i 've looked at so many stores.
my whole issue started when i went shopping with my friend kate last weekend. we were talked alot about how i don't dress the way that i would choose to dress. i don't where the clothes that i would pick out for myself if i had the pick of anything. either i'm just stupid and looking in all of the wrong places.. or no where that i know of sales anything that i like in my size. i walk into all of these stores when i go shopping with my friends and see tons of clothes that i think are so cute and wish that i could think in my size.. but i never can find them in my size.. i love shopping with my friends and i'll point out things that i wish i could have.. and then they buy them.. which is fine. but i just wish that i could have it. so frustrating.
all i want it to find something that i really love. clothes that i actually like and feel comfortable and pretty wearing. and something to wear for my birthday.... but it is feeling impossible.
anywho.. thats just whats on my mind.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Girls Night!
my favorite kind of night is a girls night.. i mean i love hanging out with everybody and having a good time.. but theres nothing better then a grils night. the pictures above are of jill, christine, and i on our little girls night. we didn't even do anything.. we got all dressed up to take a few pictures.. and then we sat around and talked for a few hours. we played would you rather.. which is a question game where your given to options and you choose which one you would rather... very simple but thought provoking. it doesn't take much to please me :)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Home
my favorite time of the day is sitting in my bedroom right before i go to bed. i light my candles even if its only for 10 minutes and sit in my bed. i have such an appreciation for where i live and what i have. i'm so thankful for everything that i have. i live a blessed life and am proud of everything.
I live in a house with my best friend (Jillian) which we talked about doing for such a long, the fact that we actually made it happen still amazes me. our friend Christine is our other roommate and i guess that you could probably call Sam (Jill's boyfriend) our 3rd roommate because he is here so much. we have fun and laugh on a daily basis..who could ask for more? our house is perfect especially for the area that surrounds us. we some how stumbled upon this cute little house that is hidden down in a little hillside that hides us from the rest of the world. my room is small and cramped but at the same time i love it. i'm constantly struggling to find a place to keep something.. but some how i manage. we have our tough times and we have moments that we don't get along but at the end of the day we seem to figure it out.
I proudly pay my own rent and bills (except for car insurance and cell phone bill). sometimes its not exactly easy and i'm scraping to get by. and don't get to do things for myself that i wish that i could. i haven't bought myself new clothes in forever, which i desperately need, but for the most part i'm ok with that. neither of my brothers by the age of 20 were living in a nice house supporting themselves. we all took seperate paths and i think that the paths that we have taken really represent who we are as people.
when i moved out of my parents house i honestly thought that i would spend way more time at their house then i have. i really haven't gone home very much over the last 4 months. i've gone home for holidays and stayed home a few days over each holiday. i thought that i would miss my mom alot more then i do... trust me i miss her.. you can ask jill.. i talk to my mom on the phone probabley more then anyone else talks to there mom. i just thought that i would be homesick more. but the longer that i live here the more that i realize that this is really becoming my home. when i'm at my parents house.. i get to a point when i'm ready to come back to my house. i've really learned that i like having my independence.
I live in a house with my best friend (Jillian) which we talked about doing for such a long, the fact that we actually made it happen still amazes me. our friend Christine is our other roommate and i guess that you could probably call Sam (Jill's boyfriend) our 3rd roommate because he is here so much. we have fun and laugh on a daily basis..who could ask for more? our house is perfect especially for the area that surrounds us. we some how stumbled upon this cute little house that is hidden down in a little hillside that hides us from the rest of the world. my room is small and cramped but at the same time i love it. i'm constantly struggling to find a place to keep something.. but some how i manage. we have our tough times and we have moments that we don't get along but at the end of the day we seem to figure it out.
I proudly pay my own rent and bills (except for car insurance and cell phone bill). sometimes its not exactly easy and i'm scraping to get by. and don't get to do things for myself that i wish that i could. i haven't bought myself new clothes in forever, which i desperately need, but for the most part i'm ok with that. neither of my brothers by the age of 20 were living in a nice house supporting themselves. we all took seperate paths and i think that the paths that we have taken really represent who we are as people.
when i moved out of my parents house i honestly thought that i would spend way more time at their house then i have. i really haven't gone home very much over the last 4 months. i've gone home for holidays and stayed home a few days over each holiday. i thought that i would miss my mom alot more then i do... trust me i miss her.. you can ask jill.. i talk to my mom on the phone probabley more then anyone else talks to there mom. i just thought that i would be homesick more. but the longer that i live here the more that i realize that this is really becoming my home. when i'm at my parents house.. i get to a point when i'm ready to come back to my house. i've really learned that i like having my independence.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Important People
soooo my first blog entry! I figure for my first entry i'll talk about some people who play important roles in my life!
so i'm going to start out with the first and most important.. my mom!
Kim Lynette Nickelshe means absolutely the world to me! we've always had such a good relationship! i couldn't ask for more! i've never felt like i have had to hid anything from her. Whenever i have a problem she is one of the first people that i always go to for advice. she'll never judge me she'll show me love help me to figure things out. i have so much respect for her and everything that she does for my dad, my brothers, and i! i couldn't ask for a better mom.
Jillian Anne Okazaki!she is the second most important woman in my life! i really honestly think without jill and my mom i would be completely lost. Besides my mom she is the only person that i can tell absolutely anything to and not be judged. she can tell me when i'm being stupid, sensitive, jealous, or any crazy thing. we can sit and watch tv and not say anything and be perfectly content or we can do something wild and crazy.. but no matter what we do... we're always having a good time. she is truely the best friend a girl could ask for! i honestly hope that she is in my life forever!
Jenna Brooke GarvinJenna Boo! seriously.. we've been friends for a very long time! she's always been there! she's my little fun lady! i know that whenever we hangout its gonna be nothing but innocent fun and no matter what we do we're going to have a great time! she always brings a smile to my face and brightens my day! we love to lay and look at the stars and talk :) shes one of the best next door neighbors a girl could hope for. i got very lucky when she moved in next door!
Evan Bergerooo Evan! its funny how you came into my life.. i'm so thankful that Jillian introduced us! your ridiculous but i absolutely love that about you! you have more passion and compasion than anyone else that i know. you have great ambitions and dreams and your always trying to find away to achieve all of the things that you want. Whatever you put your mind too.. you can achieve.
There are soooooo many more people that influence my life. My father who loves and supports me. My brothers, Kurt and Kenny, who have always been there to protect me and guide me through life all while giving me a hard time at the same time :) Sam Beatty the crazy kid that i oddly miss when he is gone, maybe because the house is quiet, but he's been there for me through so many rough moments as a shoulder to cry on. Katie Kronlund who is probabley my oldest friend, we can go a month or more without seeing eachother but when we get together it doesn't feel like much time has passed. My cousin Jimmy who shows me love all the time and encourages me along. My Uncle Doug who has always been the strong middle man in my mom's family, without him we'd be lost. and so many more.
I charish my family and friends, they mean the world to me and without these people i would not be the person that i am today. They have helped me and encouraged me throughout my whole life. I'm so thankful for everything that they do for me and everything that they have done for me. I will always love and appreciate them.
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