is it to much to ask for?

so i watched the oscars tonight and saw all of the beautiful dresses that the women wore. absolutely gorgeous. and it made me soooooooo freaking mad. lol. no really though. it did.

my 21st birthday is coming up and i've been shopping around in stores and online for something to wear that night. you see i don't feel pretty on a daily basis or very often at all for that matter (I'm not trying to get you down or be all woe is me but its the truth). i've been shopping for a dress for my 21st birthday cause i wanna feel pretty and i wanna feel special because for some reason its an important day to me. (I'm last to turn 21 in my famliy so i'm pretty sure everyone is looking forward to it.. and there will hopefully be a pretty big celebration.) I can't find anything that i like ANYWHERE. i'm' not kidding i 've looked at so many stores.

my whole issue started when i went shopping with my friend kate last weekend. we were talked alot about how i don't dress the way that i would choose to dress. i don't where the clothes that i would pick out for myself if i had the pick of anything. either i'm just stupid and looking in all of the wrong places.. or no where that i know of sales anything that i like in my size. i walk into all of these stores when i go shopping with my friends and see tons of clothes that i think are so cute and wish that i could think in my size.. but i never can find them in my size.. i love shopping with my friends and i'll point out things that i wish i could have.. and then they buy them.. which is fine. but i just wish that i could have it. so frustrating.

all i want it to find something that i really love. clothes that i actually like and feel comfortable and pretty wearing. and something to wear for my birthday.... but it is feeling impossible.

anywho.. thats just whats on my mind.

Girls Night!

my favorite kind of night is a girls night.. i mean i love hanging out with everybody and having a good time.. but theres nothing better then a grils night. the pictures above are of jill, christine, and i on our little girls night. we didn't even do anything.. we got all dressed up to take a few pictures.. and then we sat around and talked for a few hours. we played would you rather.. which is a question game where your given to options and you choose which one you would rather... very simple but thought provoking. it doesn't take much to please me :)

Home

my favorite time of the day is sitting in my bedroom right before i go to bed. i light my candles even if its only for 10 minutes and sit in my bed. i have such an appreciation for where i live and what i have. i'm so thankful for everything that i have. i live a blessed life and am proud of everything.

I live in a house with my best friend (Jillian) which we talked about doing for such a long, the fact that we actually made it happen still amazes me. our friend Christine is our other roommate and i guess that you could probably call Sam (Jill's boyfriend) our 3rd roommate because he is here so much. we have fun and laugh on a daily basis..who could ask for more? our house is perfect especially for the area that surrounds us. we some how stumbled upon this cute little house that is hidden down in a little hillside that hides us from the rest of the world. my room is small and cramped but at the same time i love it. i'm constantly struggling to find a place to keep something.. but some how i manage. we have our tough times and we have moments that we don't get along but at the end of the day we seem to figure it out.

I proudly pay my own rent and bills (except for car insurance and cell phone bill). sometimes its not exactly easy and i'm scraping to get by. and don't get to do things for myself that i wish that i could. i haven't bought myself new clothes in forever, which i desperately need, but for the most part i'm ok with that. neither of my brothers by the age of 20 were living in a nice house supporting themselves. we all took seperate paths and i think that the paths that we have taken really represent who we are as people.

when i moved out of my parents house i honestly thought that i would spend way more time at their house then i have. i really haven't gone home very much over the last 4 months. i've gone home for holidays and stayed home a few days over each holiday. i thought that i would miss my mom alot more then i do... trust me i miss her.. you can ask jill.. i talk to my mom on the phone probabley more then anyone else talks to there mom. i just thought that i would be homesick more. but the longer that i live here the more that i realize that this is really becoming my home. when i'm at my parents house.. i get to a point when i'm ready to come back to my house. i've really learned that i like having my independence.

Important People

soooo my first blog entry! I figure for my first entry i'll talk about some people who play important roles in my life!

so i'm going to start out with the first and most important.. my mom!
Kim Lynette Nickel
she means absolutely the world to me! we've always had such a good relationship! i couldn't ask for more! i've never felt like i have had to hid anything from her. Whenever i have a problem she is one of the first people that i always go to for advice. she'll never judge me she'll show me love help me to figure things out. i have so much respect for her and everything that she does for my dad, my brothers, and i! i couldn't ask for a better mom.

Jillian Anne Okazaki!
she is the second most important woman in my life! i really honestly think without jill and my mom i would be completely lost. Besides my mom she is the only person that i can tell absolutely anything to and not be judged. she can tell me when i'm being stupid, sensitive, jealous, or any crazy thing. we can sit and watch tv and not say anything and be perfectly content or we can do something wild and crazy.. but no matter what we do... we're always having a good time. she is truely the best friend a girl could ask for! i honestly hope that she is in my life forever!

Jenna Brooke Garvin
Jenna Boo! seriously.. we've been friends for a very long time! she's always been there! she's my little fun lady! i know that whenever we hangout its gonna be nothing but innocent fun and no matter what we do we're going to have a great time! she always brings a smile to my face and brightens my day! we love to lay and look at the stars and talk :) shes one of the best next door neighbors a girl could hope for. i got very lucky when she moved in next door!

Evan Berger
ooo Evan! its funny how you came into my life.. i'm so thankful that Jillian introduced us! your ridiculous but i absolutely love that about you! you have more passion and compasion than anyone else that i know. you have great ambitions and dreams and your always trying to find away to achieve all of the things that you want. Whatever you put your mind too.. you can achieve.

There are soooooo many more people that influence my life. My father who loves and supports me. My brothers, Kurt and Kenny, who have always been there to protect me and guide me through life all while giving me a hard time at the same time :) Sam Beatty the crazy kid that i oddly miss when he is gone, maybe because the house is quiet, but he's been there for me through so many rough moments as a shoulder to cry on. Katie Kronlund who is probabley my oldest friend, we can go a month or more without seeing eachother but when we get together it doesn't feel like much time has passed. My cousin Jimmy who shows me love all the time and encourages me along. My Uncle Doug who has always been the strong middle man in my mom's family, without him we'd be lost. and so many more.

I charish my family and friends, they mean the world to me and without these people i would not be the person that i am today. They have helped me and encouraged me throughout my whole life. I'm so thankful for everything that they do for me and everything that they have done for me. I will always love and appreciate them.