time for a change

sooo i've been doing alot of thinking lately. and i have a lot of decisions to make. i feel like right now my life is on a course to no where. i'm not doing anything. i'm not going anywhere. i'm not working at a good job. so whats really holding me back!?? pretttty much nothing?! so why can't i decide what i want to do or where i want to be. all i know is.. i'm unhappy with where i'm at and what i'm doing right now so something has got to change. but why am i so scared? i think its because i don't believe in myself. i don't think i can make it on my own.. i mean.. i'm making it on my own right now pretty well.. the best i can.. but i'm talking about something completely different.

i have two offers.

1. pittsburgh. well cranberry actually. i could move to the east coast where all of my family is.. which is very appealing. i love all of them so much. it would be so great to be near all of them and to really get to know them. i love vacationing there and i don't think that a day goes by that i don't think about them. the only thing that i don't think that i would like about it back there is the weather.. the winters can be really rough and the summers can be verrrrry humid. and i would also be using my family as a crutch. which isn't bad but it isn't the best. and i don't think it would be super easy to meet people my age.

2. california. well.. saf fran actually. my brothers friend amanda and i have talked off and on for a few years now. i absolutely adore her. she's lived in san fran for 4 years now. i really admire her because she up and left her life here to start over down in california. she knew that if she stayed here she would go no where.. and that she needed to find herself and the only way she could do that.. was to be on her own. which is exactly what i want. she and i have talked about it alot and she is always encouraging me to do the same. she told me that if i want to move to san fran she will help me out. she'll help me find a job. introduce me to people. find a place to live. anything i need. which is really appealing.

so those are my options. and i really need to do some thinking. decide what i really want. what i want to do. and where i want to be.